Pass Left, Stay Right. Repeat…

I just read a commentary on CBS News’ site by Dick Meyer, and he brings up an interesting point, one that I happen to agree wholeheartedly upon.

Meyer’s commentary is that drivers in America can help fuel efficiency by following a simple road rule; always drive on the right and overtake on the left…then get back on the right until it’s time to overtake again. And I sure as hell agree, having to put up with eight years of driving in the war zone that is the D.C. Metro Area, home to only some of the worst drivers in America. Meyer’s contention is that people who drag ass by parking their cars (as it were) in the left lane and going 70 when the pass speed is about, oh, 85, is a primary cause of many incidents of road rage. And that the problem is so much of a nuisance that at least two state legislatures have passed laws to enforce the “left-to-pass only” rule.

If that isn’t a sign that people don’t know how to drive anymore, I don’t know what is. That the State of Colorado would have to pass a law to tell the cops to give a ticket to anyone whose hogging the pass lane is ludicrous. And funny.

The Local Daytona 500.

I see driving acts of stupidity every day here, and some of it scares the shit out of me. And what doesn’t scare me annoys me to no end. Because it happens every day. I can’t count how many times a car has turned on his left blinker, then turned to the right. Speeding? Well, we have more than our share…which is why the Capital Beltway is always laden with traffic (either it’s an accident or there’s an endless construction project). People…check that, trucks are running red lights. Almost everyone you see on the highway at rush hour is on his/her cellphone, having what has to be the most important conversation ever…except this conversation always takes place every day when they’re stuck in traffic. Cars come out of corners with the driver’s mind set on making the turn, without looking in the direction of oncoming traffic, and then having to halt when they realize that another car (specifically, mine) is coming down the road. And so on, and so forth.

Sinking The ‘Titanics’ of the Highway

Meyer also made suggestions, such as banning the SUV, and eliminating tolls. First off, the tolls…will never be eliminated. At least not in the Northeast. Never on the New Jersey Turnpike. Not in New York. Not on the Penn Turnpike. Never will they cease to exist…unless they get a guaranteed grant to upkeep the roads from the federal government. Which will never happen. So the tolls stay where they are, to the chagrin of all who drive in the Northeast corridor.

But the SUV’s? Even though it’s a main selling point, how many of those millions of SUV’s have ever gone “off-road”? (Not including the times where they rolled over, people…come on, now.) I’m guessing, for the ones who buy them because they just want one, zero. For the emergency people, sure, they go off-road all the time…they have to. But regular drivers? Nah. They’d rather drive you off the road than drive off-road themselves. Now I would make an exception for folks like my stepdad, who has five (5!) kids and a wife, which means he actually needs his Ford Expedition; the grocery store trips will only get worse. However, I would make an occupancy requirement for being able to buy, say, a Hummer. The requirement would be this: you cannot buy a large SUV unless you have more than 5 people actually living in your household. If you have less than five people, no Expedition for you! Go to hell, buy a van or a Forester, damn it.

I Blame Myself

The reason why I agree with Meyer’s main assessment is simple: it’s what everyone taught you the minute they trained you how to put a ton of Fiberglas and steel into forward motion. Along with using your turn signals and all that other stuff. You make the pass in the left lane. I used to be one of those guys, the “left lane losers”. I felt, as an American citizen, I had the right to slow your stupid ass down when I didn’t like the way you were driving. Yeah, I was that self-righteous punk who would play speed cop on the highway. What an asshole, me.

You know what I came to realize in time? It’s the most tremendous waste of time one can spend on a 13-hour drive. And I was acting like an asshole, while deriding others for being assholes. Nowadays, I’ve come to adapt to the pass left way of driving, because…well, it’s just easier to adapt, and it’s just more sane of a thing to do. Especially if you have food to eat. And might I add that if you do have food, just…stay on the right until you finish the solid foods, then resume as normal when your down to fries and soda. But now I see why people get annoyed at those drivers who tie up the left lane for no reason. Because…there’s no reason for it. None.

I don’t want to see drivers putting makeup on their face while they’re driving the car. As Whoopi Goldberg told Jennifer Love Hewitt in “Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit“; “Miss thing, if you wanna beat that mug of yours, you will do it at home, you hear? Put it away.” You wanna read the USA Today? Wait till you get to your office, partner…you had your chance to do that before you left the Starbucks; out on the road is not the time. Cell phone talkers…don’t even get me started on you. Hands-free is not an option, it’s a demand. All these things go on in a supposed passing lane. And all of these distractions are causes for accidents, because the guy who isn’t doing all of that is going 90 MPH, isn’t using his turn signals, and switches lanes like he was playing “Pole Position“. He comes across just two of these guys in two separate lanes and reacts too quick? Game over.

We’re Closer to “Jetsons” Cars Than You Think

It’s not like car manufacturers are helping matters any, in terms of in-car distractions. The inside of a car today looks more like what you would find on a jet plane than a regular car. I mean, with all the gadgets that they have put into a midsize car nowadays, sooner or later you’re going to need FAA approval and file a GPS route plan before you start your engine and leave the driveway. Mom just got a new van that has a tire pressure gauge mounted to a computer, as well as a center-mount radio panel that looks like a table. There has already been DARS (sattelite radio) capacity added to car stereos as well as GPS, OnStar, temperature gauge, fuel gauges that will tell you how much gas you’re averaging on a tripometer drive, compasses, and voice-command operating features. What’s next,wings and a turboprop? Are we going to have to install a control tower in our neighborhood and runway lights with ILS frequencies? Am I going to have to hire a guy to wave me into my driveway with orange glow sticks?

But, even with the suggestion that people should do this or that on the highway, we’re not going to get much change unless states hammer down and start to enforce these rules, with tickets. Which they shouldn’t have to, really. The State Troopers have enough to do out there than make sure you aren’t just cruising in the left lane for no reason. But if people are going to continue to speed cop or just lazily cruise along in the left lane, problems with road rage will continue to persist, and gas mileage will continue to suffer. No, maybe the tickets won’t draw enough of a fine, but you pile up enough of them, and people will start to get the message.

Pass on the left, drive on the right. And get off your phone.